The intence blitz-clean-out of the mind of C&ace!!!
L'abri is such a great place to get away and really dig deep. Being here is really causing me to challenge myself, my thinking, and my beliefs. To look inward and organize and clean up the clutterd rooms in my mind. I've not only been organizing but I've been cleaning the windows and letting in the light so I can see to clean and I can also see out better. I've found a whole lot in my mind that is obviously garbage that I am throwing out. Things that have been so mixed in with good things that I didn't see how ungodly some of it was. My views and expectations of God, myself, and others were a bigger mess then I realized!
Growing up from child to an adult can be a messy process! Trying to sort through all the voices around telling you what is right and wrong mixed and jumbled with what is Biblical and what is just interpretation. Wanting to please God and People and Me and finding out that you very rarely can do all three. The fight to become an adult and the still wanting to cling to the safety and simplicity of childhood. Working through all of that with the added fact that, especilly since I am the oldest, my parents are very new at dealing with a child of theirs transforming into the adult realm. They have struggled with knowing what should change and what should not. On top of all that I have the added burden of knowing that I have 6 younger sibblings watching me and I have a perfectionistic personallity. Which keeps me constantly kicking myself.
So I've been away from all the voices that I am so used to hearing, and living with 20 different people from increadibly diverse backgrounds. For three intense weeks I've been living in an environment where if one doesn't challenge you on one thing then someone else will. No hidden corner of one's mind will be overlooked and no stone will be left unturned. I have been forced to question everything and I've also got to listen to the vast array of others questions.
So I feel so much more secure with how Christ views me and it seems like I've grown up more in this one month then I have in five years. I understand and know that what I believe is mine and not just (taking on someone elses views because I don't trust my own). I should NEVER trust someone elses views and should always question theirs and my own. I am called to always bring things I think and believe before God and test them against the bible and what God's message is in the whole of the scriptures and not merely one or two small passages.